FUNNY JOKES

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.

Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.

Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me

Psychiatrist: Next please! 

Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?

Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn't you pray for Uncle John too?
Daughter: I didn't want to ask for too much.

Parent: I'd like a day without punishing you.
Little Mishief: You have my full permission!

Sailor: I was shipwrecked, and lived on a can of sardines for a week.
Captain: My, weren't you afraid that you'd fall off? 

  

Student: Could I get in trouble if I didn't do something?
Teacher: Well, I don't suppose so.
Student: In that case, I didn't do my homework. 

Jim: What's white, steep, and has ears?
Tara: I don't know.
Jim: A snow-covered mountain.
Tara: What about the ears?
Jim: Haven't you ever heard of mountaineers? 

Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Camper: I bent down to smell a brose.
Camp Counselor: There isn't a B in rose.
Camper: There was in this one! 

Student: Teacher, how can I look up a word to spell in the dictionary
if I don't know how to spell the word in the first place?
Teacher: Why do they call it a Hot Water Heater? You don't need to heat hot water! 

Polly: Why are you eating nickels?
Molly: Because the teacher wants to see some change in me. 

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I can't remember anything.
Doctor: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?